Guest blog post
By Onguso Ochengo
A beard on the chin and the height of a camel, candles blown, cakes and ales feasted upon-all courtesy of my born day and old I turn.
Grandma curses, oh, you’ll dry bones before I see your firstborn.
It’s a Sunday service and the seed-eating pastor is full of threats, your day of death sinner is unknown.
Mother home has changed diet. Whenever you visit she packs and bakes, bakes and packs the foodstuffs to boost thy libido and turn you on.
As if an engine you are of a mortar of reproduction and everyone thinks yours is but broken down.
Papa is furious for to university you he sent and with just a paper degree you came home with yet in his mind, son what else did you do in town?
Big sister taunts, ‘bro, in the shopping mall, of your size, bro, my eyes did set on a befitting wedding gown!
Small size laughs and a requests she injects, ‘Big bro deny me no fun, to match with your maid and please don’t frown!
Yet with authority, elder bro, with an air of authority,practices elderly etiquette and forces down my ears, marry young before in old age you drown!
All your peers babies in hand or in womb, ‘what are you waiting for? You’ll be the last man! As if life were a competition-a race to be won.
But do they know that you once loved and custom dictates in matters matrimonial love not from your clan?
But do they know, you met another from Eastern Kenya-she overworks your knees and waist and you’re not a drilling machine-that Kamba woman?
But do they know you yet met another from Central Kenya-oh, light a skin until she cooks everything with soup and when she smiles-all teeth brown?
But do they know you yet met another from Coastal Region with a heavenly shape yet she’s just as good as her behind-fullstop, man?
But do they know you did meet another from North Eastern-calm and pietous yet with a Kaffir, to tie a knot her religion does ban?
But do they know you met one from Nyanza-too big a behind accompanied with an even bigger pride? Why sell your land to buy a Range Rover not in your plan?
But do they know you met one from Western Kenya who feeds like a zero grazing friesian cow clearing everything from the sufuria and frying pan?
But do they know, you met a tribeless slay queen, her face-plastic, her behind-plastic, her feelings-plastic? Which man spins plastic? Are you NEMA dustbin?
If those be the women, ooh, boy child, and one like your mother-you do in vein search, I understand when you ask, shall I Marry or forever bachelor remain?